I woke up from a bad dream this morning. I dreamt that my best friend I and I were fighting in an airport. I was waiting to board the plane when I saw her seating in one of the benches, with her boyfriend and another friend. They were asking what I was doing in the airport and I ignored them because I was in a hurry to leave. All of a sudden, she starts shouting and telling everyone all my secrets! I knew all her secrets, too, but I dare not reveal them in front of everyone. So I answer back, and we were mocking and provoking each other. Finally, she logs on to multiply and sends all my secrets to my network and to everyone we know! I was devastated! How can she do this to me? I felt betrayed, I wanted to fight back, but I could not bring myself to say out all her secrets. The messages were spreading rapidly, everyone was reading them, and I was terrified. Then I woke up.
The first thing I did the moment I woke up was to pray out to God. “Lord, what does this mean? Was that you speaking to me? Did you want to tell me anything?” It was a bad dream, a dream I never wanted to happen.
I went to the bathroom, washed my face, and headed back to my room. It was only 6:00 am; I was right on time for my morning devotions.
The thought that my secrets will be revealed, and that I was to be betrayed by someone close to me, frightened me. I could not understand why dreams work the way they do –if they’re telling us something (the way prophecies do) or if they’re only confusing us (paranoia, or maybe guilt). I thought it was best to consult God and ask him about it because I was very bothered.
When I opened my Bible, I came across Job 33. Not knowing what was written or why I came across Job of all books, I read the first few verses. And then the next few verses silenced me:
For God speaketh once, yea twice, yet man perceiveth it not.
In a dream, in a vision of the night,
When deep sleep falleth upon men,
In slumberings upon the bed.
In another version, “For God does speak -now one way, now another-
Though man may not perceive it.
In a dream, in a vision of the night
When deep sleep falls on men
As they slumber in their beds
He answered me right then and there. Yes, it was Him, I took it by faith. The next verses told me why.
He may speak in their ears, and terrify them with warnings
To turn man from wrongdoing,
And keep him from pride.*
This verse, this dream, and God’s particular message, could not have come at a better time. It’s safe for me to say that I believe all of us have secrets –secrets that no one knows, or maybe only a few know. We have our ‘hidden faults’, so the Bible says, things about us, things we’ve done in the past, or still doing in the present, that when revealed, will expose our true selves. All the while people make us out to be ‘perfect’ or ‘good’ or even ‘pure’, yet nothing could be further from the truth. We are afraid of people unmasking our true selves -how we act, what we say, what we think, what goes on in our minds –and when they do find out, we will be…destroyed. Somehow. “Huh? Ganun pala siya? Akala ko ba Kristiyano siya?” “Ay, ano ba yun, di pala siya ganun…”
Nothing in this world will be kept hidden. I believe that. The bible says in Matt. 10:26 that “there is nothing covered that shall not be revealed; and hid, that shall not be known.” I do not entirely fear the thought of people finding out about my secrets, as much as I fear the thought of God knowing about it all along. Adam and Eve tried to hide from God in the bushes -they actually thought they could! But can you really hide from GOD?
That dream, that particular dream, told me one particular truth about God, and one truth about men. God sees all things; man tries to hide all things. But whether or not people see the true us, we are laid bare and naked before God. Just like adam and Eve.
I admit, Lord. I have tried to hide my sins from people, but I cannot hide them from you. Thank you, Lord. Thank you that there is a promise of restoration.
Thank you that whoever turns back to you, “his face shall be fresher than a child’s: he shall return to the days of this youth. He shall pray unto God, and he will be favorable unto him: and he shall see his face with joy: for he will render unto man his righteousness.” (v.25-26)
And just like Adam and Eve, you have already sought to cover us from shame, from humiliation, from embarrassment. You have forgiven, Lord, and you continue to forgive.
That, my friends, is the love of God –out in the open, uncovered, unashamed.
* Job 33:14-15
* Job 33:16-17