“God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early. “ – Psalm 46:5
I love this verse. I know it’s taken out of context (as this refers to Israel), but whenever I come across this verse, I am always comforted by it. I feel as though God is speaking directly to me through this verse. He is in my midst, and I will not be moved.
Last night, I’ve finally come to terms with a loss. I’ve finally accepted that the only way I will really be able to heal and move on is if I let God have His way, if I give him my desires, surrender my longings, and let Him satisfy me.
For more than a year now I’ve been blaming myself for what happened with my last relationship. I wasn’t aware of it; I just knew that I had to do something about it. I’ve been working so hard to put the broken pieces back again, even when I was telling myself that’s not what I’m doing. We can always fool other people, even ourselves, but we can never fool God. He knew what was going on in my stubborn heart. He knew that I still wanted it my way. God had to discipline me and teach me that His ways are better.
So last night, we decided to part ways. It was a good decision, and I know in my heart God will honor and bless it. I cried the moment the decision was made: it was more a cry of relief than it is of regret. I’m actually relieved both he and I have now come to understand just what needs to be done, and what the sacrifices are to make this work. I cried because I have come to love and appreciate the man that he has become, the man he is now. So much has changed in him since I met him a year ago. And it was sad, no, it crushed me heart, to realize that we have to go on our separate lives first. But it was a decision that was long overdue. And we recognized that; we knew somehow it will come to this point.
I want to do what’s best for him and for me. He and I, we always just manage to come across each other and this being around each other all the time actually made it hard to let go. There will come a point in your life when you really have to decide to put a closure on something. It will not be easy, but neither will it benefit you in the long run if you keep holding on.
God truly does work powerfully in the lives of His children. My prayer is that in the future, when he and I meet again, we’d pick up from where we left off. We’ll be good friends, and we’ll get to share our lives again with the past all behind us.
So yes, it should be like that: Let’s put a closure on our past so that it will not affect our present and future. Just recently, God allowed me to witness just how tragic it can get when our past mistakes still haunt us. Future relationships are affected because of past mistakes. Kaya ngayon palang, I pray God will set the direction of my life, and help me decide on the right things.
My best friend told me this morning, “I think you have a better understanding of love now.” And I agree with her. That i’m able to love a person despite his flaws, that I’m able to let go, even putting my desires on the altar, and that i’m able to see the good in all these, must mean my understanding of love has ‘matured’ in a way. It’s not “perfect” —is there such thing as being able to love perfectly? But it has matured, i think. So I’m putting a period this time. And finally, i’m at peace with that.