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Dear Doctor Hayden,

Dear

Right at this very moment, you are the only one next to Pacquaio whose name reverberates in all corners and walls of every building and of every street in the Philippines. Next to Pacquaio, if not even more, your name is famous. You have been labeled a pervert, manyakis, buwang, loko-loko, sex addict, manggagamit, nakaka-diri, and in front of thousands, maybe even millions who got to watch the Senate hearing, you were poured on water by someone you have never even met, because according to this man who is a father, binababoy mo ang mga babae. Your videos have circulated like wildfire over the internet, and you will not come across a person who, if they have not seen it, have heard about it and talked about it endlessly with everyone within their circle. In fact, people are not so coy anymore about bragging that they have seen or kept a copy of it, and they willingly pass on the links for reasons that scream of every possible justification. The media is feasting over the publicity this scandal is giving; we are again high on political showboating as election season has finally come, (extra pogi points for attention-starved trapos to gain acclaim); and yes, as my friend’s political view puts it: the failures of society has finally caught up with us.

Your scandal, termed the Haydengate Scandal, has made such a monumental splash that the Senate has already dipped its fingers into it because it finally realized that there is a lack, a big lack it obviously has failed to look into all these years, on resolutions that address, among others, how to fight the proliferation of porn-related videos. Unfortunately for you, it had to be your video, it had to be your name, it had to be your reputation and the reputation of those others you shared your intimate moments with, that revealed this shortcoming, if that is what it is. Unfortunately for you, your name will go down in history as the man who had filmed, with or without consent, the act of sex that was made to look more like entertainment than anything else. Unfortunately for you, this scandal has not only ruined your medical profession; it has also shamed your family’s dignity, sending in verbal assaults to members of your family who, despite this embarrassing scandal, have chosen to support you because no one else will. Your mom is suddenly on the receiving end of cruel remarks such as, now I know why Hayden is like that. It’s because his mom is also like that. Your mom was lambasted for her blaming it on the girl you had sex with, because it was more than sex, she said. It was also drugs she influenced you with. Your mom helplessly watched as you were doused with water, and like any mother would, wiped it as though she was wiping her own tears.

You see, Doctor Hayden, what you have done has repercussions equal to that of a killer earthquake. It not only shook the country down to the core of where society is lagging behind, it also shook the moral grounds on which we all stand. But what is it that you have done? What is it that made the public throw invectives at you, call you the sinner that you are (and not look at themselves) and show no sympathy (as I am sure it will be hard to generate sympathy while at the thick of the issue)? Hearing Secretary Eduardo Ermita say, “Anything that is offensive to public morals must be sanctioned” smacks of irony in its highest form because as you would care to remember, the palace has pardoned only recently, a convicted child rapist named Jalosjos and murderers of Ninoy Aquino, Maureen Hultman and Roland Chapman, among others. If the Secretary were to sanction anything or anyone offensive to public morals, he would be fired by his own boss.

And let’s talk about Katrina, one of your so-called victims, and the most famous perhaps.

Let me first say that I am a woman. I may not relate with Katrina in that I prize my virginity and have made a choice not to give it to anyone who is not my husband, therefore rejecting that common reason, if you love the person, it’s okay to have sex, even outside marriage. Yes, I can’t relate with Katrina and with other women’s stand on pre-marital sex. Those are choices they make for themselves. But I relate with the pain that comes with being a woman so desired ONLY for sex. You said it yourself, your relationship with her was sex, drugs, sex, drugs. Didn’t you love her? Was she only for the satisfaction of your carnal desires?

But on the grounds that you exploited her, in her words, “sobrang binaboy kami dun sa video. Sobrang pambaboy yung ginawa sa amin ni Doc Hayden kaya dapat magbayad siya at saka para hindi na gawin ng ibang lalaki sa amin, sa mga babae, para wala nang mabiktima, para matakot sila,” then I disagree. If she’s talking about that sex as pambababoy, wasn’t it consensual? Did she say then it was pambababoy? Didn’t she enjoy? Didn’t she agree to it, knowing the perils of illicit sex?

But maybe she was referring to the videotaping, and only you could answer that. Why did you videotape that, Dr. Hayden? People say you obviously have psychological problems such as sex addiction and you need professional help. I know it is not as simple as saying, ayun naman pala, may sakit kaya ginawa and have people forgive you on the grounds of your mental state. But was it you who released the video? Did you want to distribute it, therefore subjecting, more than Katrina or these other women, yourself to public condemnation? I don’t think you would do that. If you wanted to advertise your illness, then you must truly be insane. But I mean to say, somebody is out there to destroy you, Katrina, and all the others in your videos.

That’s why I find it appalling she is found to be the only victim here.  Watching that Senate hearing was so painful because, and this I would freely allow people to argue with, it was as though you walked into a field of landmines. You were publicly humiliated, and by whom? The public who watched your videos therefore proliferating pornography and three senators, who in my opinion, are the most annoying senators of this land, and are not so blameless themselves.

I feel for you. I don’t tolerate what you have done –the pre-marital sex, the video-taping, the drugs. But I feel for the pains you are going through for having your sins advertised to the whole world, and have everyone judge you, come one, come all.

Because why just you? Why not investigate the scores of other kindred perverts who pollute the internet? Why just you?

I don’t have a better ending for this letter. It seems what i did was mostly lay down the facts, and forgive me for adding salt to the wound. But i would just end it by saying that you don’t deserve this kind of judgment and humiliation, not from us, the public, who knows no better.

No, not from us, sinners like you.

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