“Kalahati ka nalang.”
“Your face is sooo thin, doesn’t look healthy anymore.”
“Kumakain ka ba? hunger strike? Anong issue?”
“Put on more weight, Keyz.”
“Hindi ka mataba, ano ba! Anorexic, te?”
“In maging buto?”
Those are some very brutal, honest but comical remarks people have told me lately regarding how I look these days: frail, very thin, small. Which, by my usual standards, is already alarming. I admit: sometimes I don’t even know what the fine line is between being “just thin” to “too thin”. One moment I’m eating with such voracious appetite, like the world is ending. The next minute, I’m skipping meals and eating like a pauper. And it’s very circumstantial to me. Some days I feel like eating more; other days I don’t mind eating less.
And to be honest, I don’t really “see” what people see. I know I’ve always been thin, but have I really lost that much weight and space and how come I can’t see it? Well, I’ll be putting on more carbs for next week’s diet until my climb to Mariveles. Maybe this will do me good. People are always surprised when they find out that I’m a mountaineer. They can’t seem to wrap around the thought that someone so thin like me can actually manage to hike for 13 hours in the most vicious of terrains and conditions and carrying a 45-liter bag. Some partners I work with in Pangasinan wanted to invite me to Mt. Pulag (I’ve climbed it before) and one of them said, “sa payat ni Ms. KZ, kakayanin kaya?” I try not to be offended when I hear that and instead I just prove it.
But then, all these remarks about how thin I am are unsettling me somehow. Because it’s not just one person telling me this; it’s everyone! I’d like to take care of my body as much as the next person. There’s a reason I don’t do vices like smoking or drinking: I want to be healthy. But if people seem to think I’m losing weight on purpose, I would debunk that now and tell them I’m not doing this on purpose. Perhaps I’m just stressed and that’s more likely the reason.
And more than physical weight, I want to give equal, if not, more importance to spiritual weight. Just like our bodies need nutrition, so do our spirits. And we can starve our soul its spiritual nutrition if we do not read the Bible, pray daily, and talk to God.
I want to give more importance to my spiritual health. While there are all these Bible studies and church events that we go to, they cannot substitute a daily feeding of God’s word. Just like eating. You cannot just eat once a week and expect to be healthy throughout the rest of the week. You feed yourself everyday. Going to church is NOT enough. That’s your nutrition for one day. You feed yourself God’s word everyday to be spiritually healthy.
So this month, I am resolving to put on more weight, physically, spiritually. Both my body and soul need it on a daily basis. I already dislike the label put on me in the mountains: kikay climber. While I don’t think I can change being maarte to a certain extent, I do think people can still suspend judgement until they actually see me climb. I don’t want another label to add to that, please lang. Okay na yung magandang climber. Kebs. :D