So goes 2 Corinthians 5:7.
I was just reminded of this verse now that The Day draws nearer. I admit: I am prone to fear, to worry, to doubt. On my way home after a late night coffee date with Bernadette, we talked about trusting in God unreservedly, and no partiality. When you claim God’s promise, you claim it with all your heart, soul, mind, strength. And in that same way, you love God. And in that same way, you trust him. There can be no middle ground to trusting the Lord. It has to be with full abandon. Either you trust him with everything, or you don’t. Otherwise, it’s not trusting him; it’s only hoping with no real end goal.
As each day draws me nearer and nearer to the realization of my dream, sometimes it can’t be helped that I worry, even though I try not to show it. As I write this, my heart is beating a little faster. Probably because I’m articulating my fears as opposed to just keeping them in the closet. I am scared. Scared of the prospect of not getting this. Scared of the possibility of rejection. I shared with Bernadette that my life verse is Psalm 37:4 which puts everything at the heart of the matter: delight in God and He will give you the desires of your heart. This is going to be a testament to that verse if I get this scholarship. This is my desire. The question is: Have I truly delighted in Him?
But I realized that I have to choose to trust the Lord; there is no other way. That is the only way to approach this. Even if I do not get this, I would have been found faithful —isn’t that part of the end goal? To be faithful no matter what?
I cannot see what June 15 holds for me. No, I live by faith and not by sight. I choose to hold on to faith, and to pin my hopes on a living God —a God who knows what is best for me, who loves me, has the best plans for me, and who desires to use me for His glory. I choose to trust. There is no other recourse.