Funny the things and ideas you let out along the trail.
In a conversation I had with my climbing buddy Bin, we talked about men and why apparently, I have not entertained any of the so-called Facebook suitors I have. First of all, Facebook, seriously? Can anyone be more impersonal than that?
Facebook aside, I gave him a classic example of why some men are inevitably rejected.
Boy likes girl. He makes it known to her through every available means of expression: text, call, ym, twitter, facebook, you name it. He showers her with attention, something that might be overwhelming to her at first, but eventually something she gets used to. Boy decides to go an extra mile for her. Prepare coffee for her. Set up her tent. Carry her load. Take her home after reunions.
Girl DOES NOT necessarily like the boy —she likes the gestures. Boy adds a little more touch to it –messages are carefully worded, not your everyday casual pleasantries. Girl tries not to mind the many smiles littered on the text box, but it’s there for careful interpretation. And, mother of all explanations, boy lets slip he likes her.
What’s wrong? Well, in public, boy acts so cool, so casual, careful not to give anyone the impression he likes her. Whatever your reason is, let me just break it down to two things: One, this makes the girl think you’re playing with her. And two, this makes her think you’re ashamed of her. He’s just too casual around her and girl is confused. No, not confused. Annoyed. Annoyed at this show of apparent cowardice. Annoyed at his lack of, well, balls. Pun intended.
So rejection is inevitable —when did you ever see a girl respond to a guy who doesn’t even know what he wants? Perhaps you’ve met so many women like that, but I’m sorry boys, this girl’s in it for the long haul. You either like me enough to pursue me, or just go ahead and Facebook stalk all you want. My shadow is yours for the taking; my heart isn’t.
The point is, I hate having to encounter men who are just in complete utter denial. Magpakalalaki.
That’s why I try to let go of expectations the moment there is the urge to set them. Sometimes, though, it’s easier said than done. When people go the extra mile for you, the natural tendency is to expect. But I’m done expecting. It sets me free from unnecessary confusion, annoyance, eventually hurt.
And for the record, I very much prefer men who are upfront with their feelings. Not arrogant, egoistic, proud. Just confident that they want you. It doesn’t necessarily mean the girl will like him back —that’s a completely different matter. But that’s why it’s bravery to pursue a woman; bravery at its best: You don’t know what you’re going to get, but you still go for it. There lies the true hunter heart of a man.
Cheers to brave men!