The bible teaches us a fundamental truth about the way circumstances play out in our lives. “All things work together for the good…” Romans 8:28. It takes faith to believe in that.
Last night, after deciding that I won’t be able to join my friends on a climb I organized two weeks back prior to being hospitalized, I reflected on this. And in a cubicle, at that. Everything that could go wrong in an event went wrong. It was the 85th anniversary of our family optical and the project that Rayjohn, Keren and I were working on for about a week didn’t turn out well. In fact, nothing turned out well and I was feeling pretty much helpless. Had I not been sick, maybe, just maybe, I could have done something, even with my limited technical skills. Had I been more on top of things, that is, had I not been lax and sloppy and had I prioritized this ahead of time, maybe things would have turned out better. We each have a part in the blame, but there wasn’t anything to do anymore. I went inside a cubicle, prayed for strength both for Rayjohn and Keren, and just heavily relied on the word of God that “all things work for the good.”
I woke up past 7 this morning with two messages. One message read, “We’re already in Baguio.Sana andito ka.” Another read, “We’re on our way to Cubao. Sayang you cannot join us in our climb.” Two texts from two groups of friends telling me my presence is sorely missed on activities I am never absent from. Had I been stubborn, I would have ignored the advices of people who care for my health and I would have gone on that bus to Baguio, climb Pulag, go through the killer trail, chill in the hypothermic atmosphere, and enjoy myself without a care in the world. The better judgment was to stay behind because, as Luz said, “Pulag is always there.” And my health is a top priority. The fact that I’m home and chose to miss out on things that come second nature to me, almost without even justifying, means that I know full well I need to recover and be healthy. And I need to slow down and reflect.
“All things work together for the good.” It doesn’t mean that right away we understand they do. In fact, so many things don’t make sense to me now. Like, why I have a condition that came this early in my life as a single girl. Why, just when I’m no longer working, I’ve been sent to the ER more than 5 times already. Why, out of everyone in the family, the genetic diseases are capitalizing on me like I have a sign that says, “choose her. She’s the perfect patient.” It also doesn’t make sense to me that things could drastically change in a year. You know what I feel? I feel like I’m carrying a ticking time bomb in my body, waiting just to explode.
But the second part of that verse goes, “to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” And to add to that, the next verse following Psalm 139:13-14 reads, “all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”
While it isn’t so rainbow-colorful right now in my world, the flowers aren’t blooming, the trees are not swaying, the mountains are distant, to us who love God and are called according to his purpose, hope still remains and joy is not only promised but actualized and lived out. The joy of what? The joy of knowing that what I’m going through right now has been ordained for me, written by God, for his purpose. And all things work out for good in the end. It’s not just one of those random situations where I ask the heavens why and I get no reply. No, faith is “being sure of things not seen.” Things will work out in the end; God said it himself. And I believe in that with absolute certainty.
Things didn’t work out well last night, but you know what happened? Help came in the form of my lolo who did his version of the timeline. He summarized what was supposed to have come out in that video, and in a very entertaining fashion. In the end, the people still got the story, just in another way. As for my condition? Well, things aren’t looking bright yet. More tests next week, but I remain on the side of God.