I often feel that I would meet you sooner than I think. When I’m on a road trip to some island, I think about you on that bus ride with me. When I’m whiling away time on a bookstore, flipping through pages and going from one shelf to the other, I think of you also reading quietly in a corner, fully immersed and in your own little world. When I climb mountains, I think of you leading the way or defending me from limatiks and carabao chases. When I’m in the hospital and just about to get my blood taken, I think of you as my sedative –a calm assurance, a gentle presence. You would hold my hand gently and say, “just like an ant bite, it’ll hurt a little.” You won’t make the pain go away, but you will be there. I constantly think about you and where and how we would meet. There’s this quote from Salvador Plasencia that aptly expresses my feelings. “I don’t know what they are called, the spaces between seconds –but I think of you always in those intervals.”
But I did something different today. Instead of thinking about you, I prayed for you. Wherever you are, whoever you are. Doesn’t that sound weird? To pray for somebody you don’t even know? But someone does know you, and someone knows exactly how we would meet someday. So I wait in great anticipation.
I recently told my best friend that I am happy where I am now. Content was the word I used. There were times before when I’d fret over waiting for you, because the clock reminds me that I am not getting younger. This year, I turn 29. Twenty nine years waiting for you! There were also times before when I’d sulk in self-pity and ask myself that overrated question: why am I still single? I never really got around to knowing the reason, and many people (including myself) have come up with plenty of theories, the most common being that I’ve set my standards too high. We will get to that later, but it looks very plain and obvious to me now: you just haven’t arrived yet. Didn’t take a genius to figure that one out, right?
I’ve read all those books and articles about how it is to wait actively as a single Christian girl. Go complete your list of non-negotiables for the man you pray to marry. Serve in church. Love and invest in relationships with people. As for that list, if you should know, I’ve put “adventurous and athletic” as my non-negotiable. I cannot possibly fathom the idea of being at the summit of a mountain while you are somewhere at the jump off point waiting for me to come back. No, we go on adventures together!
So I have done and I’m doing all these: waiting actively, being involved, going places, meeting people, being out there. My life as a single Christian girl, even without you, has been full, active, exciting.
But the single, most important thing to do, as I wait, is to love God, and continue learning to love and obey Him every day. Because as I love and obey Him, as I focus on Him and even offer my loneliness to Him (as Elisabeth Eliot once wrote), I begin to understand that my life is not incomplete just because I am single. And yes, I confess: I begin to understand that even if you do not come now, if you do not come soon, sooner, or if you should never even come at all, I would still be a complete, joyful and content girl. I admit it is hard sometimes, but everyday His grace renews.
So I prayed for you. I prayed that you will also find completeness in Christ, just as I have found completeness in Him. I prayed that you will love Him above all else, and that your life with Him will just be as adventurous as my life with him. Because God knows we will both rock this adventure together! Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, and whoever you are, I pray that you are kept safely in God’s arms, and that you are loving Him and loving others.
Here’s to a life of adventure with Christ! And here’s to us, meeting soon. :-)