Keep it at. Move forward. Don’t let it deter your walk with Christ. Remember but do not dwell. Grieve, then move on. Forgive, and heal. Just keep walking.
I often have to tell myself that when I fall back to old habits, when I make mistakes and when I sin, the last option I should take is to run away from Christ. It is exactly what the evil one wants –to keep you away from the source of forgiveness and freedom. I often have to tell myself that unlike people (us) who keep a record of wrongs, God doesn’t. I quote from scripture not just so I can comfort myself over that fact, but to counter the lies I am inclined to believe in, because, doesn’t God get tired when we keep failing Him? Doesn’t he ever say, “I’ve had enough of all your mistakes. You don’t seem to learn.” Doesn’t God have a quota and a check list and you feel you are on top of that list for repeated offenders?
Which is why even Jesus needed to quote Scripture back at the devil –because the devil would never have the upper hand when it comes to God’s truth. The powerful, and oftentimes confusing truth, is that God does not keep a record of wrongs. He blots out sin, as far as the east is from the west. He forgives and cancels sin out –as if you never committed it in the first place. Of course, you did. You know you did, God knows you did, and the consequences will follow. But he forgives. completely.
Keep at it. Keep walking. Pray. Ask God for help and forgiveness. And for grace –even the grace to come before Him, as you are, with all that you carry, with all your sins. Grace, to turn back from your ways, and to repent, to never be in this place again.
“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8