personal

Sounding off

Do you find yourself sometimes just filled with so many thoughts that you can’t sound off? I’m like that. A lot, these days. I have so, so many thoughts to write down and process and think through, but I don’t really take the time to process them. I don’t know why. I’m always just thinking and thinking (not out loud) and then sometimes I’d go, “yeah, I should write this down”, but I never do. I don’t sound off to people a lot. There are very few people I can share things with here. That’s one of the things I miss back home. Having accountability and being able to share my heart to a select group of friends who’ve known me for years and who are very used to me by now. Sometimes, I feel even with the friends I have here, they still don’t get me…or they can’t get used to me –the way I think and stuff. I miss being able to connect with someone that really, really understands me.

So a few weeks ago, I emailed about four girl friends some of the updates I have and what’s been going on with me these days. I can’t divulge much here but anyway, I am in a life transition period and it’s a major one that involves moving. I decided, because I was on social media hiatus, that the best way to reach out to friends was to personally email them. I don’t know if it’s very archaic these days since you can always just send message on Facebook and whatnot, but because I had so much I wanted to share, I decided to email them personally.

It took about two weeks before anyone of them replied. Which of course, broke my heart a little. With something so urgent and so important, I thought that friends would take the time to reply right away. It wasn’t until I told them that I’ve been waiting for their email and that I am a little upset they haven’t replied that they took it seriously (at least, that’s how I saw it). They apologized that the non-replies made me feel that way, and acknowledged that there was a lack of effort on their part, but I guess that drove the point home for me. Even with my closest friends, sometimes they still just don’t get how I’m so into communication and being intentional. To me, you always make time for things that are important to you. Whatever the circumstance. I probably would understand if I don’t see them posting away on social media –except that I do and yet the emails remain unanswered for weeks. We sorted it out but what I got from these was just the realization, again, that communication is such a vital part of relationships. Relationships fall apart due to miscommunication. I always wished people were more intentional and exerted more effort into keeping friendships, especially because I live so far away.

Anyway, I’m here sounding off and currently these are the thoughts in my head which I hope to process in the coming days:

  1. God’s timing is perfect. It’s very cliche and I hope I don’t have to give this advice to anyone that needs to hear it, because I’m at a point in my life where I’m also trying to understand what that truly entails and just submit. Ate Diane came over today and prayed with me, and she said something that struck: God is God over everything – even time. He knows the starts and stops. His timing is never what we expect but is always perfect.
  2. God as a gracious giver. We are God’s children. He is our Father. What father would not want to give the best for his child? Sometimes, I refuse to see it this way because I always think that that’s taking God for a magician: make a wish, He makes things happen. But the difference is the relationship, that of father and child. Why am I always hesitant to entertain or even accept the idea that God would want the best for me because He loves me as a father? I think it’s got to do with my concept of fatherhood.
  3. Keep yourself longing for simplicity. Things aren’t important and it’s better to have less. Make the important things, like relationships (and food!) matter more for you.

 

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