A homage to my 2008 lesson.
Life simply goes on.
I’ve found this true after a series of unfortunate events that happened not just to me but also to people around me. Maybe I should not even call them unfortunate, as they were destined to happen one way or another. And maybe we think of them as unfortunate, but in the grand scheme of things, that is, in the Great plan of God, they don’t fall under that category. Man’s view of things is always limited and small-scale. Though we hate to admit, we don’t really know the bigger picture and why they should even happen. Like death or some form of loss.
Recently, my (step) grandmother in the US passed away. We’ve never met her but we’ve heard good things about her. In the last week of June, she was diagnosed with the big C, just like my mom. Her cancer progressed quickly and in a matter of weeks, it has taken over her body. She was 80. My stepdad’s family grieved for this loss, but also rejoiced that she is in a much better place. In fact, she is in the best place with her Savior. I don’t know how my (step) grandfather has dealt with all this, as well as my step dad and his entire family. But death is something all of us will go through. And life simply goes on.
There are also big things like the calamities that ravaged our country. There was Typhoon Frank that left millions homeless, the Sulpicio accident that killed almost 900 lives and destroyed thousands of families; there is the ongoing Mindanao crisis and war with MILF that has displaced millions, and just very recently, the C130 tragedy that left 9 military men dead, and left widows and fatherless children.
Recently, I also just got my heart broken, and as you might already know, I didn’t take it well. In the 5 months that I have been grieving over this loss, I’ve finally learned to accept that there are some things I just cannot change. I’ve resigned myself to this natural course of things, and I find that resignation, which is not so much quitting as it is accepting, is the better course to take. Along with this resignation is the relinquishing of my ‘right’ to change things, because I don’t have the right to change them in the first place. Keren said that there are no mistakes. Only decisions. And we will have to live with the decisions we made whether for the good or for the bad.
And someone also once said that all our struggles are always about change. I think that is true. Our inability to change things (counting bad decisions), and our attitude towards it, that is, to try to ‘undo’ things or make them go back to the way they used to be, will only draw as deeper and deeper down the pit the more we fight it.
I’ve stopped fighting; I’ve stopped questioning. So it’s resignation for me.
I’m sure my problems in life are petty for others, and there are bigger, bigger things to deal with than just one heartache. But I’d also like to believe that these things make who we are. And they were not just put there simply to disappoint or frustrate us, but to help us grow, to ‘polish’ us, to refine our faith and strengthen our character.
Yes, I’d like to call it that. The refining of faith and character. And the increasing, as well.
I was inspired by what my mom emailed us this morning. She talked about purpose and said, “to have no clear purpose in life is the scariest thing of all”. That brought me back to perspective and made me realize that my purpose in life has little to do with my own life, or my own goals, or my own agenda, and has everything to do with God and His goals and His agenda.
Though I cannot escape heartache, crying over big and little things, dealing with frustrations and disappointments, life simply goes on. I will continue to hope, and will choose to love, still.
And the greatest thing of all, is that Jesus will walk with me through all this.
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew [their] strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; [and] they shall walk, and not faint.- Isaiah 40:31